Doonesbury by Garry Trudeau for January 19, 2016

It must be rough on Zonker to become suddenly so popular.

I’m sure this is gonna happen to the Powerball winners. The first couple was foolish to surface like that and think they could go back to normal life.

I’ve always said, winning a lot of money wouldn’t change anything, but my name and address.

What is with the off-one-shoulder look? When, where and why did it start? Was it invented by the same genius that invented the overly padded shoulder? Better yet, could someone please help me understand women?

First question: she’s an artiste. Last question: not a chance.

If you are calling to tell me I owed you money, press “1.” If you are calling to say we were old friends, press “2.” If you have kidnapped one of my family, press “3.”

You don’t need help understanding women. You need help accepting them.

Just a bit of foreshadowing from JJ.

Zonkers first 200 calls were from various Preachers who had all received an Urgent Message from Jesus providing them with a routing number for Jesus numbered account in Switzerland and telling Zonker that he would go Straight to Hell if he didn’t transfer the money Immediately..The Lightning Bolt is on Standby..

I would think every state would require the winner to be publicly identified. Otherwise, there is too much room for fraud. Maybe no one actually won and a lottery official took the money. People are very concerned about fraud in gambling.

Understand women by talking to them? The main reason men have trouble understanding women is that women do not communicate directly with men. The classic exchange is, “Why are you mad at me?” “You should know why.”

<<< but all they do is ring a dinner bell for every last scammer, con artist and golddigger within a thousand miles.>>>

If you can’t say no to strangers (or relatives), you deserve whatever happens.