Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for April 03, 2019
Transcript:
Lonesome Pine Moody and neurotic. A poor choice for holiday depressives. Off-Gassing Balsam. Exudes a piney scent that can erode your sinuses and seconds. Mmmmm-fresh! Cubist Fir. So asymmetrical it no longer inhabits Euclidean space. And just tried turning it so the bad side is against the wall. Agh! My eye! Widow maker Spruce Spiky, venomous needles. Good challenge for extreme decoration enthusiast. Haughty Pine. Rejects ornaments not handmade by old barbarian craftsman that cost a small fortune. Early Warning Fir. Keels over in a faint in the event of a National Emergency. Unhelpful.
Ratbrat about 5 years ago
I’ll take the cubist fir. I love a challenge.
PoodleGroomer about 5 years ago
My tree came with a packet for the water and a packet of antihistamines for us.
DCBakerEsq about 5 years ago
We favor the Piddle Pine. And, the dogs love it.
Sisyphos about 5 years ago
I love a challenge! Give me the Widowmaker Spruce!
Ow! OWW! OWWWIE-ZOWIE!