Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for March 22, 2019
richard's poor almanac by richard thompson your guide to xmas trees 2004 oop: tree. have some egg nog. hic. ultralongleaf pine - can't support anything heavier than tinsel. extremely frustrating. northern snakehead fir - likes to climb out of its stand and devour all the other houseplants. ebay item #56839 - almost new, barely used. seller just converted to rosicrucianism. tree: yap teacup fir - repulsively cute & yappy, too. will rapidly dehydrate with-out constant watering. oop: that northern snakehead fir! ideal balsam - perhaps the perfect christma- hey! who ate the tree? uncle jim: look! i'm a christmas tree! ha ha! crazy uncle jim after too much egg nog - he's going to break his collar-bone, just like last year.