Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for January 04, 2017

Transcript:

deleted birds note to birdwatchers, the following birds are no longer recognized by the audubon society. please adjust your life list accordingly. thank you. eastern pottymouthed snark assails bird-watchers with crude insults & profanity. call - "get a life you what're you lookin' at take your binoculars and." great downy oftmolt difficult to actually see as it's surrounded by a suffocating cloud of feathers. call - "cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough." flightless grouse plods up and down the eastern u.s. whining the whole damn time. call - "ow ow ow ow my feet hurt my feet hurt ow ow ow ow." unmitigated gull this is one show-offy little creep. call - "look at this plumage! great, huh? you guys from national geographic? how about a picture? you wanna see my mating dance?" commonplace dullard no distinguishing marks of any kind, really. hangs around with other, cooler birds who wish it wouldn't call - "hey wait up wait up c'mon guys wait up."