Sylvia by Nicole Hollander for September 12, 2009

I want an alarm clock that turns on a fan over a bowl of ice water. Until then, I’ll rely on the garbageman

But Lew, he only comes twice a week! Oh…okay. I get it.

Clyde is real:

https://www.thinkgeek.com/homeoffice/lights/9171/

my favorite, though, is one that you have to chase around to turn it off:

https://www.thinkgeek.com/homeoffice/lights/91f2/

It’s pretty soft – it won’t put anyone’s eye out.