Stone Soup by Jan Eliot for October 09, 2009

Joan, he wasn’t suggesting THAT!

(For his sake, I hope he wasn’t …)

I love Wally. He’s so steady and genuine. Joan did good. But I’ve been on the receiving end of a comment like his, and I must admit, my reaction was pure Joan!

”GET AWAY FROM ME!” The world’s OLDEST form of Birth Control. ……..not always effective, just oldest.

I always wonder how mothers with a lot of kids handle it when you have Joan and Elly from For Better or For Worse having so much trouble with it. But eventually the older ones get old enough to help with the younger ones. Still I’ve known women with 10 kids or more and they look soooooooo tired!

Wally was not kidding. Sometimes I wish we had a third one we only have two. Not my husband as far he concerned cost to much. Now way too late my two are adults and I’ve been free happily for over a year. To me more kids can help out. I do know one family I think 10 kids more boys then girls and back then mom didn’t know the word no. Now lots of grandkids and greatgrand kids. The family made a name of themselves. One of the brothers was in CA and wife murdered him do not know why. All the kids learned from dad to work and play hard.

I come from a family of 8 kids. Everyone contributed to the family.We all had chores and the older ones had the responsibility of a younger one. I made sure my brother was dressed for church etc. We are all still very close.

I deal with 10 young kids (3-13) everyday. It is a matter of teaching them to take responsibility for themselves and others. It is a matter of teaching them how to help out at the level they are able to.

It is much different than the children who grow up thinking that it is the housekeepers job to clean their room and the nanny’s job to change their sibling’s diaper.

It shouldn’t be the responsibility of a child to take care of his/her younger sibling. If the parents cant take care of their own children then they shouldn’t have had so many. Children should not have to act as primary care givers. Occasionally helping to change a diaper/feed a bottle or babysit every once in a while is all that should be excpected. You concieved it you raise it.

Oh, come on six_of_ten! I hope these bad parents also don’t make them prepare meals or clean up or, worse yet, do their own laundry! Gasp! Children who are taught responsibility are better people in the long run. I was the oldest of only four, the youngest 12 years younger than me. I helped watch and take care of them. Sure, at times it was a pain, me being a selfish teenager and all. But I did learn empathy, responsibility, and hundred’s of other small life lessons that I have been able to draw on over the course of my life. Did you ever think that part of the job of raising a child was to help teach them all of these skills? As long as the parent/s are not out partying all the time, I see no problem with this.

Absolutely agree with Mrs B, and not just because I’m another Mrs B. My brother was 13 years younger than I (with 2 in between) and I took care of him a lot of the time. The upshot of that was that when I had my own babies, I knew just about all there was to know about taking care of babies! Of course older children should help with younger ones, to the level of their capability.

Kab2rb, it wasn’t that mothers from long ago didn’t know how to say no..it was that they couldn’t say no. It’s still like that in too many parts of the world today. When the husband wants sex, he will get it, even if there are eight children already in the next room and the mother wonders how she will feed them all the next day.

As for children caring for younger siblings, it is a fine line to walk between dumping the babies on the older siblings all of the time, and working yourself to the bone catering to all of the spoiled, selfish children you had.

My mother was the oldest girl of seven kids, and since the age of 11, she was responsible for the chores and caring for the multiplying younger brothers and sisters while her parents went to the bar. She had a older brother who lorded over them all and did jack squat to help. To this day, my mother doesn’t speak to that brother.

She swore she wouldn’t do that to her own kids, but she didn’t shelter us either. I was there when my brother was born, and one of my first memories are of learning how to bottle feed him with my mother next to me. Bro and I was close and played together all of the time. My sister was born when I was 11 and it was the same, I fed her, changed her, held her, walked her, etc. and Bro did the same. They were great bonding and learning experiences! However, my parents were always the primary caretakers.

To get back on point, Joan did pick a better man this time, and every family has bad days like this one! My mother had them when we were small, and she is a put-together woman!

Older siblings taking care of the younger ones is a foreign concept in my family. It seems like every marriage in the family produces two children, three years apart. I was the older one, but ever since we were nine and six my sister was at least as emotionally mature as me (often more so). The extent of taking care of my sister I’ve ever had to do was basically escorting her through bad neighborhoods.

I thought that’s what Mrs B was saying!

I don’t know, to me “doing their our laundry” doesn’t really compare to “raising their parents’ children”. So I agree with six_of_ten.If you think your children are old enough to take care of children, let them start their own families.

Kids should not raise their siblings. But responsibilities should increase as the kids’ capacity for them do. First you have easy chores, then more important ones. That is true when you get a job, too. Unless you want to stay at an entry level position for your whole career, you step up to the plate. Doing less than you can because it is not your job implies you have no investment in the family as a whole.