Cornered by Mike Baldwin for November 19, 2009

I’ve always wished that Osama had had student loans. THOSE people would have been able to find him!

…then I’ll take my huge bonus home”

We could use a new intern to do our drudge work, can you loan us a student?

Steven Wright:

“I got on an elevator with my friend Jake, and he asked me ‘Where would you like to go?’ I said ‘How about the desert?’, so Jake pressed the button marked ‘Desert’. The doors closed, and when they opened again a tumbleweed blew in. I said to Jake ‘You’re the kind of guy I like to hang out with.’

“Jake and I set out through the trackless waste, and after a few hours we saw a man in a suit walking towards us. When he got to us he said to me ‘I’m from the bank, and I want to talk about that $20,000 we gave you to go to college.’ I said ‘I gave it to my friend Jake here, who used it to build a small thermonuclear device. And he’d really appreciate it if you stopped calling me.’”

small enough to fit in a bank deposit envelope maybe?

Not an envelope, but maybe one of those plastic tubes at the drive-thru.

fritzoid:

Please don’t tell me you’re dropping acid alone. I hope Jake is a real person.

You’d have to ask Steven Wright. It’s his story, not mine.

You have to understand, people, fritzoid lives in San Francisco. And he’s mean to Howdy Doty, BTW.

I don’t need acid. I’m high on life (with regular supplements of Guinness).