Is everyone ready for the Holiday Season? Supposedly it “kicks off” (please excuse the sports metaphor) right after Halloween. Anyway, for those seeking new threads to look great under the tree or by the candles or wherever you wish to look good, a story just for you follows:
A tailor’s assistant tried to make a suit, but it came out badly – one arm longer than the other and uneven buttons. Still, it was made from expensive material, and the tailor resolved he would sell it somehow. Then an elderly gent walks in, looking for a new suit, and the tailor shows him the suit in question. “But it doesn’t fit me!” the gent complains.
“Sir, that’s only due to your poor posture – apparently no one ever taught you how to stand up properly.” The tailor then proceeds to instruct the man: “Hand that arm down. Lower! Now point your hip that way. There, now – look in the mirror!”
The man looks at his reflection, and, sure enough, the way he was now standing made the suit look, well, tailor made for him, so he pays for the suit and begins to leave the haberdashery.
“Remember what I told you about your posture,” the tailor reminds him.
Two old ladies cross the street see the gent leaving the tailor’s premeses. “Oh, Mabel,” one says to the other. “Just look at that poor crippled man!”
“Crippled, maybe,” her companion replies. “But poor? No way! Look how nice that suit fits!”
The Astros won tonight in Atlanta, so the series continues, as do the baseball jokes. Thanks to @stevesilver48 for joining the bandwagon.
Paddy had just arrived in New York from Ireland and was invited by one of his American cousins to go to his first baseball game.Seated in the Yankee Stadium bleachers, he watched as a man swung a stick, hit a ball and started toward a white bag down the line. Everyone stood up and yelled: “Run, run!”.
Then a second guy came up to the plate, whacked the ball and started down toward the white bag. Everyone stood up again and yelled: “Run, run!”.
A third batter came up, but this one didn’t hit the ball. He didn’t even swing. Four times the pitcher pitched. Four times the catcher caught. Paddy was completely confused when the batter dropped the stick and startedstrolling toward the white bag.
“Run, run!” Paddy shouted.
“No, he doesn’t have to run’ his cousin informed him. “He’s got four balls.”
Paddy’s eyes widened as he stood. “Walk with pride, man!’” he shouted. “Walk with pride!”
201 Uruguayan cooks, 19 tons of meat, 15 hours of cooking with 67 tons of firewood which resolved in 12.4 tons of cooked meat. Wow. That’d be vegetarians’ nightmare.
So Stanstead Abbots is in England, Minas is in Uruguay, What country is Westfield, Massachusetts in ? I know Westfield, Sussex in England… Must be the same place…
Smith and the BBQ gang need a little positive energy to make their record seeking worthwhile. Doing anything to set a Guinness record or Ripley item has become ludicrous.
Why is there an empty seat next to you?! Well, couldn’t you get anyone else to come with you? No, all of our friends and relatives are at my wide’s funeral!
eromlig over 2 years ago
Is everyone ready for the Holiday Season? Supposedly it “kicks off” (please excuse the sports metaphor) right after Halloween. Anyway, for those seeking new threads to look great under the tree or by the candles or wherever you wish to look good, a story just for you follows:
A tailor’s assistant tried to make a suit, but it came out badly – one arm longer than the other and uneven buttons. Still, it was made from expensive material, and the tailor resolved he would sell it somehow. Then an elderly gent walks in, looking for a new suit, and the tailor shows him the suit in question. “But it doesn’t fit me!” the gent complains.
“Sir, that’s only due to your poor posture – apparently no one ever taught you how to stand up properly.” The tailor then proceeds to instruct the man: “Hand that arm down. Lower! Now point your hip that way. There, now – look in the mirror!”
The man looks at his reflection, and, sure enough, the way he was now standing made the suit look, well, tailor made for him, so he pays for the suit and begins to leave the haberdashery.
“Remember what I told you about your posture,” the tailor reminds him.
Two old ladies cross the street see the gent leaving the tailor’s premeses. “Oh, Mabel,” one says to the other. “Just look at that poor crippled man!”
“Crippled, maybe,” her companion replies. “But poor? No way! Look how nice that suit fits!”
jasonsnakelover over 2 years ago
One time I weighed 19 tons and barbecued for 15 hours. One time I weighed 67 tons. One time I weighed 11.5 tons.
Smouglas Dith One time I grew 840 tomatoes.
Like Mafond One time I saw four bears in the yard.
May the Lord be with you.
Charlie Fogwhistle over 2 years ago
The Astros won tonight in Atlanta, so the series continues, as do the baseball jokes. Thanks to @stevesilver48 for joining the bandwagon.
Paddy had just arrived in New York from Ireland and was invited by one of his American cousins to go to his first baseball game.Seated in the Yankee Stadium bleachers, he watched as a man swung a stick, hit a ball and started toward a white bag down the line. Everyone stood up and yelled: “Run, run!”.
Then a second guy came up to the plate, whacked the ball and started down toward the white bag. Everyone stood up again and yelled: “Run, run!”.
A third batter came up, but this one didn’t hit the ball. He didn’t even swing. Four times the pitcher pitched. Four times the catcher caught. Paddy was completely confused when the batter dropped the stick and startedstrolling toward the white bag.
“Run, run!” Paddy shouted.
“No, he doesn’t have to run’ his cousin informed him. “He’s got four balls.”
Paddy’s eyes widened as he stood. “Walk with pride, man!’” he shouted. “Walk with pride!”
Templo S.U.D. over 2 years ago
201 Uruguayan cooks, 19 tons of meat, 15 hours of cooking with 67 tons of firewood which resolved in 12.4 tons of cooked meat. Wow. That’d be vegetarians’ nightmare.
Say What Now‽ Premium Member over 2 years ago
It’s cute to watch – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WmVOt-tKpXM&ab_channel=ScottManley
in-dubio-pro-rainbow over 2 years ago
Ha! Never saw Gent without his suit relaxing in a pool with sunglasses on… cool! (But who are the others? And where’s the mustache?)
A Common 'tator over 2 years ago
So Stanstead Abbots is in England, Minas is in Uruguay, What country is Westfield, Massachusetts in ? I know Westfield, Sussex in England… Must be the same place…
khmo over 2 years ago
Smith and the BBQ gang need a little positive energy to make their record seeking worthwhile. Doing anything to set a Guinness record or Ripley item has become ludicrous.
James Wolfenstein over 2 years ago
These Uruguayans… triggering the rage of the vegans, PETA, and the climate-changers, all at the same time! :D
Huckleberry Hiroshima over 2 years ago
Getting closer and closer to 100% trivia.
Take care, may one year-old future astronaut Lily “Ggleee-Glaaga-Gee-Gee Mphh” Sornsonord be with you, and gesundheit.
jscarff57 Premium Member over 2 years ago
That just sounds like a typical tailgate party before any football game…
The Duke over 2 years ago
So now we know where the beef went.
RonnieAThompson Premium Member over 2 years ago
How many people were fed barbecue?
J. R. M. over 2 years ago
I’m sure Goldilocks was surprised when she got back from her walk.
globalenterprize1990 over 2 years ago
Why is there an empty seat next to you?! Well, couldn’t you get anyone else to come with you? No, all of our friends and relatives are at my wide’s funeral!
pbr50138 over 2 years ago
I wonder what happened to all of that meat?