Agnes by Tony Cochran for February 27, 2021

When they removed the dressings after my knee surgery, I expected to see stitches but was horrified to see STAPLES!! They stapled me!! What am I? One of those things that get stapled??

When my cat got spayed, they closed her up with Super Glue! Who the heII super glues cats!? Well, vets do…

I have a 2’’ long surgical scar on the back of my hand, at the wrist, from years ago.

It runs lengthwise… I mean pointing towards my fingers, not parallel to a bracelet.

In a follow-up visit to the surgeon, who already had white hair in his thirties, and twinkling blue eyes …

after the stitches were removed, I somewhat jokingly complained that it was ugly.

He told me I could get plastic surgery to make it look better once it was completely healed…. but it would cost about $5,000….

A fortune to me, and he knew it.

Seeing my expression, he added…

“Or, for twenty bucks, you could just get a tattoo there.”

So I said “great idea” … and traced with my fingers… “Like a stem here, and a leaf here… and a small red rose on the back of my hand?”

Raising one spiky white eyebrow, he feigned disappointment….

and in a crestfallen voice, as though I’d failed him…

he said “Oh. I was thinking of a zipper.”

I never got either, and the scar is mostly just a white line now…

… but I still smile sometimes, picturing a short fat zipper tattooed there.

Emergency appendectomy. They went in with laparoscopy, saw how much gangrene was there, closed that up and slit me from just below my navel to just above my pelvis. Long, deep, instantly noticeable. And I’m alive!

I had staples in my knee replacement. I’ve also had stitches. Staples are way more painful to remove than stitches. I’ll take the stitches.

At least with guys, a scar is worthless if you don’t have a good story to go with it.

No, thanks. The Feds throw enough money away as it is.

Why not? They throw it at everything else.

They now have Super Glue.

Agnes… haven’t you been paying attention to the last four years?

And . . . .. we’re back to normal.

There are always staples for the discerning girl.

I fell on concrete with a pop bottle in my left hand. It caused a massive gash on my thumb and across the palm. It also severed the tendons in my little finger which they could not repair.

I wish they would come up with a scanner like Dr McCoy used on the original Star Trek. No more traipsing from the Dr’s office to xray or labs and then never be told the results! Also, I would like a replicator(?). Just ask it for what ever you feel like eating or drinking. Hmmm, but what do you do with the dishes???? I don’t think they ever covered that. LOL

I know have three scars from skin cancer surgery. More to come I’m sure. The last one they put in self dissolving bandages over. They were supposed to be gone in a week or less but almost a month later I had to have my husband pull them off of my back. That was fun. Not as fun as the emergency spinal tap in the ER with no anesthesia I had once.

I had back surgery about 20 years ago, and a complete hysterectomy 10 years ago. Same length scars front and back. It looks like someone ran me through with a sword.

tONY YOU MISSED AN OPTURNITY TO carry on the story line with the female doctor to inspire her.