Bound and Gagged by Dana Summers for January 14, 2021

At least he didn’t whip out his phone to show you all of his ‘selfies’. “This is me at the beach, and this next one is me in line at Disneyland, etc., etc.”

The collection of body part donors.

“Okay. I need to see your virus test report too.”

Johnny Cash-One Piece at a Time:

Well, I left Kentucky back in ’49

An’ went to Detroit workin’ on a ’sembly line

The first year they had me puttin’ wheels on Cadillacs

Every day I’d watch them beauties roll by

And sometimes I’d hang my head and cry

’Cause I always wanted me one that was long and black

.

One day I devised myself a plan

That should be the envy of most any man

I’d sneak it out of there in a lunchbox in my hand

Now gettin’ caught meant gettin’ fired

But I figured I’d have it all by the time I retired

I’d have me a car worth at least a hundred grand

.

I’d get it one piece at a time and it wouldn’t cost me a dime

You’ll know it’s me when I come through your town

I’m gonna ride around in style, I’m gonna drive everybody wild

‘Cause I’ll have the only one there is around

.

So the very next day when I punched in

With my big lunchbox and with help from my friends

I left that day with a lunch box full of gears

I’ve never considered myself a thief

But GM wouldn’t miss just one little piece

Especially if I strung it out over several years

.

The first day I got me a fuel pump

And the next day I got me an engine and a trunk

Then I got me a transmission and all of the chrome

The little things I could get in my big lunchbox

Like nuts, an’ bolts, and all four shocks

But the big stuff we snuck out in my buddy’s mobile home

.

Now, up to now my plan went all right

’Til we tried to put it all together one night

And that’s when we noticed that something was definitely wrong

The transmission was a ’53 and the motor turned out to be a ’73

And when we tried to put in the bolts all the holes were gone

.

So we drilled it out so that it would fit

And with a little bit of help with an adapter kit

We had that engine runnin’ just like a song

Now the headlight’ was another sight

Ok. I need to see a statement of original for each body part.

“Oh. You meant MY ID.”

I wonder what blood types he is.

He’s got his father’s eyes…

His body part donors were green?

Frankenstein’s monster is making the rounds today. He’s also in today’s “The Argyle Sweater” strip.