I haven’t decided yet yet, but if Gladys asks you what I would like for Christmas; tell her I would like YOU to not be here for Christmas. That way, we could have an enjoyable Christmas.
“Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.”
“Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means.”
“I’ve been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she’ll kill me.”
“I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.”
“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.”
“She’s been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.”
“A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn’t pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.”
“Why don’t Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.”
“Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They’re worth it.”
“Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.”
“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money.”
steven01221971 over 5 years ago
I always wondered if that’s her hair, or a hat.
steven01221971 over 5 years ago
And she always has the delusion that Gladys deserves a better man.
finkd over 5 years ago
And you’re lucky the Salem witch trials ended centuries ago.
Meg: All Seriousness Aside over 5 years ago
Henny is timeless.
zzeek over 5 years ago
I haven’t decided yet yet, but if Gladys asks you what I would like for Christmas; tell her I would like YOU to not be here for Christmas. That way, we could have an enjoyable Christmas.
ChessPirate over 5 years ago
Henny Youngman:
“Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.”
“Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means.”
“I’ve been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she’ll kill me.”
“I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.”
“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.”
“She’s been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.”
“A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn’t pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.”
“Why don’t Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.”
“Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They’re worth it.”
“Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.”
“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money.”
timbob2313 Premium Member over 5 years ago
You know you are old when you know right away who Henny was. Henny Youngman, a fairly frequent guest on the Ed Sullivan show back in the 50s and 60s
illuminare over 5 years ago
she’s one to talk about going out of style. Look in the mirror witch ,you are out of style and need to be out of the house too.