Getting help for yourself is just as important, maybe even more so. There is always something to learn, we are all works in progress. As with dealing with any addiction, it is like they tell you on every airplane flight, put on your own oxygen mask first before assisting another. In getting help and strength for yourself you are helping your loved one whether they know it or not. If you really want out, you’ll need wisdom and courage, and if you want to save your relationship, you’ll need wisdom and compassion. Either way it’s time to change.
A friend who listens is one who does not interject themselves into the situation, nor take sides, but is there to lend a sympathetic ear, a kind word, and a sensible suggestion like Eli did today.
An interesting read which some of you may have heard of is Bonfire of the Vanities by Tom Wolfe. It is where we got the term “Master of the Universe” (outside of He-Man) in that the book’s protagonist, Sherman McCoy, called himself that after making a lot of money selling zero-coupon bonds. In addition to his Wall Street career, he had a wife, daughter, and a mistress on the side. Without rehashing the full story (because I recommend it for all on this comment board), he and his mistress are riding in his Mercedes through the Bronx, when it fishtails and hits a man, resulting in his arrest for negligence and a civil rights uproar. The poignant scene for me is one chapter where Sherman McCoy tells his father, a lawyer, about this, and then has to explain to his wife and daughter. The father (who is on the cusp of retirement) will try to do what he can, the wife (who is a social-climber who spends a lot of his money) reacts more with distancing herself from him than with indignation, and the daughter says she still loves him. The point of that chapter is that we see an aged father heaving on his armor one last time to protect his son and a wife who is unsupportive. Sherman McCoy realizes adultery is not a victimless crime; he has caused pain to his family whom he took for granted in better times.
Anyone else remember the movie where an executive was leaving for a business trip, but also had an affair lined up on the side? When he met her at the hotel, he didn’t notice she had unlocked the door, and when things got interesting—-LIGHTS CAMERA ACTION! He hadn’t realized (until his wife appeared) that she had set up the meeting, and was cackling about how in addition to her half, how much of his half she’d get in the divorce settlement!However, before the trial date, he received an interesting letter in the mail – informing him that the “minister” that performed his wedding was not ordained and urged him to see a judge or JP immediately to make his marriage valid.
Something similar happened near here once, several years later the church learned that their past minister was not ordained! Panicked couples contacted the church but were informed that if they went home and lived together that they were legally married re common law. But on the other hand, a man can encounter 10, 20, 30, even more years of “involuntary celibacy” and he’s still bound!
howtheduck over 5 years ago
The irony of this particular comic strip is that Elly, the kind of friend who listens, does almost all the talking.
Templo S.U.D. over 5 years ago
a friend in need is a friend indeed
loridobson Premium Member over 5 years ago
Getting help for yourself is just as important, maybe even more so. There is always something to learn, we are all works in progress. As with dealing with any addiction, it is like they tell you on every airplane flight, put on your own oxygen mask first before assisting another. In getting help and strength for yourself you are helping your loved one whether they know it or not. If you really want out, you’ll need wisdom and courage, and if you want to save your relationship, you’ll need wisdom and compassion. Either way it’s time to change.
M2MM over 5 years ago
Best of all, you learn what NOT to do, preventing exacerbating the situation.
Linguist over 5 years ago
A friend who listens is one who does not interject themselves into the situation, nor take sides, but is there to lend a sympathetic ear, a kind word, and a sensible suggestion like Eli did today.
jless over 5 years ago
Lynn’s Notes:
This was good advice. We never took it.
USN1977 over 5 years ago
An interesting read which some of you may have heard of is Bonfire of the Vanities by Tom Wolfe. It is where we got the term “Master of the Universe” (outside of He-Man) in that the book’s protagonist, Sherman McCoy, called himself that after making a lot of money selling zero-coupon bonds. In addition to his Wall Street career, he had a wife, daughter, and a mistress on the side. Without rehashing the full story (because I recommend it for all on this comment board), he and his mistress are riding in his Mercedes through the Bronx, when it fishtails and hits a man, resulting in his arrest for negligence and a civil rights uproar. The poignant scene for me is one chapter where Sherman McCoy tells his father, a lawyer, about this, and then has to explain to his wife and daughter. The father (who is on the cusp of retirement) will try to do what he can, the wife (who is a social-climber who spends a lot of his money) reacts more with distancing herself from him than with indignation, and the daughter says she still loves him. The point of that chapter is that we see an aged father heaving on his armor one last time to protect his son and a wife who is unsupportive. Sherman McCoy realizes adultery is not a victimless crime; he has caused pain to his family whom he took for granted in better times.
Linguist over 5 years ago
Many times the affair isn’t the cause of the divorce but the result, of an already broken relationship.
tuslog1964 over 5 years ago
Anyone else remember the movie where an executive was leaving for a business trip, but also had an affair lined up on the side? When he met her at the hotel, he didn’t notice she had unlocked the door, and when things got interesting—-LIGHTS CAMERA ACTION! He hadn’t realized (until his wife appeared) that she had set up the meeting, and was cackling about how in addition to her half, how much of his half she’d get in the divorce settlement!However, before the trial date, he received an interesting letter in the mail – informing him that the “minister” that performed his wedding was not ordained and urged him to see a judge or JP immediately to make his marriage valid.
tuslog1964 over 5 years ago
Something similar happened near here once, several years later the church learned that their past minister was not ordained! Panicked couples contacted the church but were informed that if they went home and lived together that they were legally married re common law. But on the other hand, a man can encounter 10, 20, 30, even more years of “involuntary celibacy” and he’s still bound!