There’s always Barbara Cartland.
Well that’s your problem right there. You’ve got it set to “downer” mode.
A co-worker had a “The Rude & Crude Magic 8 Ball”, but every time I try to order one, they’re out of stock. Maybe they aren’t actually being made anymore.
Magic 8-Ball. Tragic 8-Ball. What’s next, the MAGA 8-Ball?