Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for December 09, 2016

Transcript:

memorial designs unveiled the committee for a memorial to failed presidential candi-dates today unveiled the top three designs for the memorial which will take up all that empty land on the ellipse. third place - "the big whack-a-mole." visitors would use mallets rented from a little park service kiosk to smack down busts of failed candidates as they emerged randomly from holes in the ground. committee chairman wally brown found this one "too gallagheresque." pigeon thomas dewey hubert humphrey alf landon pat buchanan second place - "the candidate who fell to earth & went boom." a strong piece, yet "too reminiscent of 'the awakening' on hains point," says chairman brown. first place - "dogpile!" the winning design depicts a swarm of over 1,200 candidates fighting to reach the top of an ionic column. "congratulations to mrs. adams's 7th grade art class for this fine entry." says brown. "it melds jeffersonian classicism with rodinian drama. and I really like the part where h. ross perot is chewing off lyndon larouche's leg."