Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for May 09, 2015

Transcript:

richard's poor almanac by richard thompson gifts that mess with mom's head mom 1: mm-hm. the good intentions basket. thoughtful yet resolutely unsenti-mental. includes nail clippers, emory boards, callous pads, pinking shears, anti-fungal innersoles, etc. bow is recycled from x-mas. show her just how practical you are! the confuse-a-mom selection. a variety of gourmet & imported luxury items that she's never heard of. is this cheese or hand creme? is that pesto or bath salts? guaranteed to pro-duce a blank stare. mom 2: oh. my. the "estrange" gift pack. not close to mom? a few "issues"? send her this dingy, chewed-up-looking candle! it's wax-scented & arrives in a big box filled with too many styrofoam pea-nuts that stick to everything. mono-gramming available. mom 3: and where'm i supposed to put all this? the tower of guilt. over ten feet of expensive, over-compensating gifts that'll make you feel better and uselessly clutter up mom's life. wrapped in enough cellophane to smother a rhino.