Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis

Pearls Before Swine

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  1. Sherlock Watson

    Sherlock Watson said, over 3 years ago

    You are a fluke of the universe.
    You have no right to be here.
    And whether you can hear it or not, the universe is laughing behind your back.

  2. Nabuquduriuzhur

    Nabuquduriuzhur said, over 3 years ago

    Hey! Rat has a future in public service announcements. (I miss the days when PSA’s weren’t stupid, silly, wrong, or idiotic.)

  3. Alexikakos

    Alexikakos said, over 3 years ago

    Rat, I give you Rudyard Kiping:

    IF you can keep your head when all about you
    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
    If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
    But make allowance for their doubting too;
    If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
    Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

    If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
    If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
    If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
    And treat those two impostors just the same;
    If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
    Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
    And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools:

    If you can make one heap of all your winnings
    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
    And lose, and start again at your beginnings
    And never breathe a word about your loss;
    If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
    To serve your turn long after they are gone,
    And so hold on when there is nothing in you
    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

    If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
    ‘ Or walk with Kings – nor lose the common touch,
    if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
    If all men count with you, but none too much;
    If you can fill the unforgiving minute
    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
    Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
    And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!

  4. hariseldon59

    hariseldon59 said, over 3 years ago

    Children’s books, motivational posters, greeting cards. Rat should leave them all alone.

  5. rshive

    rshive said, over 3 years ago

    Well, at least Rat has the remedy right. It’s even pretty good when none of that stuff happens.

  6. Sisyphos

    Sisyphos said, over 3 years ago

    I must say, contrary to the rah-rah posters, Rat’s conclusion is most likely correct. On the other hand, I’m sorry to see that Rat’s bad habits are turning Pig into an alcoholic, beer-swizzling lush.

  7. blunebottle

    blunebottle said, over 3 years ago

    @Sherlock Watson

    Good one! It’s all in the mind, you know…..

    (The Universe Song)

  8. Gaijinrabbit

    Gaijinrabbit said, over 3 years ago

    A man said to the universe:

    “Sir, I exist!"

    “However,” replied the universe,

    “The fact has not created in me

    “A sense of obligation.”

    - Stephen Crane-

  9. Bruno Zeigerts

    Bruno Zeigerts said, over 3 years ago

    ‘If you can keep your head … when all around you, others are losing theirs …
    You obviously don’t understand the situation!

  10. SusanSunshine

    SusanSunshine GoComics PRO Member said, over 3 years ago

    I dunno… Rat just might be the next Jack Handey.

  11. SusanSunshine

    SusanSunshine GoComics PRO Member said, over 3 years ago

    “What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk?”
    Jack Handey

  12. trekman58

    trekman58 said, over 3 years ago

    Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
    As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
    Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
    Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
    If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
    for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

    Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
    Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
    Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
    But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals;
    and everywhere life is full of heroism.

    Be yourself.
    Especially, do not feign affection.
    Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

    Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
    Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
    Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

    You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
    you have a right to be here.
    And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

    Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
    and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
    With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

  13. trekman58

    trekman58 said, over 3 years ago

    And, yes – In late 1971, the 45rpm recording of Des Crane’s reading of Desiderata reached #8 on the Billboard charts. It became what one writer called “a New Age anthem” and won him a Grammy

  14. orinoco womble

    orinoco womble said, over 3 years ago

    @Bruno Zeigerts

    Or, “You haven’t checked your voicemail.”

  15. Kaputnik

    Kaputnik said, over 3 years ago

    I’d like to know what Pig’s cartoon swearing translates to. He just doesn’t seem the type to say something that needs to be rendered as “@#★#”.

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