Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for January 11, 2004

Transcript:

"The Adventures of Angry Bob. By Rat." "Angry Bob was angry, 'I need to buy an old house with a big, wide, wooden porch. I will rock on a rocking chair and be happy.'" "Bob bought the house he wanted and sat on his big, wide front porch in a rocking chair and rocked." "Bob drank a big glass of ice cold lemonade and rocked." "Bob watched as the neighbor's cat, Willy, hopped on the porch rail. He patted Willy. Willy purred. Bob rocked." "Bob watched as little Jimmy the paperboy rode his green bicycle, tossing out the Sunday papers. Bob rocked." "Rocking, Bob achieved the sense of nirvana he had long sought. 'On my big, wide front porch, in my rocking chair, I am happy.'... 'Happy,' he repeated to himself, smiling." "A Sunday paper struck Bob in the face. Bob fell off his chair and died." "'Heads,' yelled the paperboy, after the fact, as he stole Bob's rocking chair and rode off." "...Always tip your paperboy."