Al Capone, by the time he was put in prison, genuinely was mentally ill from untreated syphilis. One doctor claimed that his mental state degenerated to that of a 12-year old. There’s a famous (maybe false) story of him trying to fish in his own swimming pool after being released.
I’ve used this joke or a variation of it before, but it’s topical today.
An elderly couple are sitting in the living room, and the old man gets up, and says “I’m going to the store to get myself a soda, do you want anything?”
His wife says “I’d like an ice cream sundae. Here, I’ll write it down for you so you don’t forget—”
“I’m not going to forget,” he waves his hand at her dismissively. “Ice cream sundae.”
“With cherries and chopped nuts. You’ll forget, I’m going to write it down for you.”
“Woman I’m not senile! I won’t forget! Sundae with cherries and nuts.”
“And whipped cream. You’re sure you won’t forget all this? You forgot the last time. Please, I’ll write it down so you won’t forget.”
The old man gave an annoyed sigh and left the house. He returned after a time and handed his wife a bag.
“Here you go, I didn’t forget.”
She looked inside the bag and found a toasted onion bagel.
“Yes you did! I told you you would forget, and you did!” The old woman threw a fit. “You forgot the cream cheese!”
An alien is flying over the Earth in his spaceship when it suddenly starts to lose power and then crashes. The alien survives the crash with minimal injuries and gets to work repairing his ship.
After a few days of work he completes everything only to find the gormack has been damaged and he has no spares. He decides to head toward a nearby human town he saw while crashing towards the Earth.
After a short walk, he stumbles into the first building he sees and walks over to the man at the counter.
Alien: “Greetings earthling, I come in search of a gormack for my spaceship. Do you have one?”
Bartender: “Well what do they look like?”
Alien: “They are round with a little hole in them.”
Bartender: “Oh yeah we have those. Except here we call them bagels. And we eat them”
Alien:" You eat gormacks? Earthlings are quite odd."
Bartender: " Try it before you knock em. Here."
The bartender hands the alien a bagel and the alien cautiously takes the bagel and takes a quick bite.
Bartender: “So?”
The alien thinks for a moment and then says“You know with a little cream cheese, this wouldn’t be half bad.”
Here’s my last of the morning, but it’s a quicky:
A woman wanted to buy a bagel with cream cheese at my deli.
So a bathrobe is a good disguise as far as “the mob” is concerned. Why am I not surprised.
Take care, may Denver Chicago deep dish pizza parlor owner LeQuanna “Hail I Don’t Know, Call It What You Want, Call It Your Mama If You Want, But Just Keep Paying Twenty-five Dollars For A Small” Queeford be with you, and gesundheit.
Vincent “The Chin” Gigante, facing obstruction of justice charges in 2003, he pleaded guilty and admitted that his supposed insanity was an elaborate effort to avoid prosecution. Seems the government had surveillance tapes proving he was actually running the Genovese Crime Family.
Many years ago, a Philadelphia morning DJ called Kraft HQ to complain that a new TV ad for Philadelphia Brand Cream Cheese used an excerpt from the song “New York New York”. It turns out he had no business complaining about it.
jasonsnakelover almost 2 years ago
Gincent Vigante
May the Lord be with you as He is with me.
monkeysky almost 2 years ago
Al Capone, by the time he was put in prison, genuinely was mentally ill from untreated syphilis. One doctor claimed that his mental state degenerated to that of a 12-year old. There’s a famous (maybe false) story of him trying to fish in his own swimming pool after being released.
kingdiamond69 almost 2 years ago
The Godfather of Harlem is based on the odd father and the black and Italian mob scene great show with Forest Whitaker and Vincent D’Onofrio love it.
Charlie Fogwhistle almost 2 years ago
I think I might have Decidophobia, but it’s hard to be certain.
drexelgal almost 2 years ago
I have a fear of making the wrong decision between New York and Philadelphia cream cheeses, while wandering the streets in a bathrobe.
Charlie Fogwhistle almost 2 years ago
I’ve used this joke or a variation of it before, but it’s topical today.
An elderly couple are sitting in the living room, and the old man gets up, and says “I’m going to the store to get myself a soda, do you want anything?”
His wife says “I’d like an ice cream sundae. Here, I’ll write it down for you so you don’t forget—”
“I’m not going to forget,” he waves his hand at her dismissively. “Ice cream sundae.”
“With cherries and chopped nuts. You’ll forget, I’m going to write it down for you.”
“Woman I’m not senile! I won’t forget! Sundae with cherries and nuts.”
“And whipped cream. You’re sure you won’t forget all this? You forgot the last time. Please, I’ll write it down so you won’t forget.”
The old man gave an annoyed sigh and left the house. He returned after a time and handed his wife a bag.
“Here you go, I didn’t forget.”
She looked inside the bag and found a toasted onion bagel.
“Yes you did! I told you you would forget, and you did!” The old woman threw a fit. “You forgot the cream cheese!”
There might be another.
Charlie Fogwhistle almost 2 years ago
This might get a groan or a laugh.
An alien is flying over the Earth in his spaceship when it suddenly starts to lose power and then crashes. The alien survives the crash with minimal injuries and gets to work repairing his ship.
After a few days of work he completes everything only to find the gormack has been damaged and he has no spares. He decides to head toward a nearby human town he saw while crashing towards the Earth.
After a short walk, he stumbles into the first building he sees and walks over to the man at the counter.
Alien: “Greetings earthling, I come in search of a gormack for my spaceship. Do you have one?”
Bartender: “Well what do they look like?”
Alien: “They are round with a little hole in them.”
Bartender: “Oh yeah we have those. Except here we call them bagels. And we eat them”
Alien:" You eat gormacks? Earthlings are quite odd."
Bartender: " Try it before you knock em. Here."
The bartender hands the alien a bagel and the alien cautiously takes the bagel and takes a quick bite.
Bartender: “So?”
The alien thinks for a moment and then says“You know with a little cream cheese, this wouldn’t be half bad.”
Here’s my last of the morning, but it’s a quicky:
A woman wanted to buy a bagel with cream cheese at my deli.
I told her we only take cash or card.
Until next time.
bookworm0812 almost 2 years ago
Maybe the cream cheese inventor was originally from Philadephia!
Huckleberry Hiroshima almost 2 years ago
So a bathrobe is a good disguise as far as “the mob” is concerned. Why am I not surprised.
Take care, may Denver Chicago deep dish pizza parlor owner LeQuanna “Hail I Don’t Know, Call It What You Want, Call It Your Mama If You Want, But Just Keep Paying Twenty-five Dollars For A Small” Queeford be with you, and gesundheit.
FassEddie almost 2 years ago
A blonde walks into a library. The blonde walks up to the librarian’s desk and says loudly, “I’ll have a coffee and a bagel”.
Everyone frowns along with the librarian and the librarian quietly replies, “This is a library!!”
The blonde replies with a whisper, “I would like a coffee and a bagel!”.
jsimpso1 almost 2 years ago
Vincent “The Chin” Gigante, facing obstruction of justice charges in 2003, he pleaded guilty and admitted that his supposed insanity was an elaborate effort to avoid prosecution. Seems the government had surveillance tapes proving he was actually running the Genovese Crime Family.
oish almost 2 years ago
Somebody watched Mad Dog Time a few too many times… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8h_aRFt2xs
joefearsnothing almost 2 years ago
My latest avatar is my version of the Red Snapper which is found in abundance in the Gulf of Mexico off the coast of the Florida Panhandle!
WCraft Premium Member almost 2 years ago
I was going to comment on decidophobia but didn’t know if I should or not …
198.23.5.11 almost 2 years ago
I’ll bet Rice-A-Roni didn’t originate in San Francisco,either
Detroit Dan almost 2 years ago
Would a bathrobe actually deter cops? I think not
Stephen Gilberg almost 2 years ago
Nice use of a meme.
suelou almost 2 years ago
As for the cream cheese… you GOTTA have it to make lox and bagels!!!…
Walter Parmantie Premium Member almost 2 years ago
And Texas Roadhouse was founded in Indiana.
J. R. M. almost 2 years ago
And the Hawaiian pizza was invented in Canada
oakie817 almost 2 years ago
i’m afraid of making right decisions
jeffchrz Premium Member almost 2 years ago
Many years ago, a Philadelphia morning DJ called Kraft HQ to complain that a new TV ad for Philadelphia Brand Cream Cheese used an excerpt from the song “New York New York”. It turns out he had no business complaining about it.
magicfever495 almost 2 years ago
This is my first time so be gentle.
This hippie was dragging a chain down the road.An old farmer saw him and ask gruffly, Hey there hippie, why are you dragging that chain down the road?
The hippie looked at the farmer, then looked at the chain, then looked back at the farmer and said,
Dude, it’s a lot easier than pushing it.
pbr50138 almost 2 years ago
Making the wrong decision has been the downfall all of my life. No matter the odds, I’ll pick the wrong thing, the majority of the time.
aussie399 Premium Member almost 2 years ago
Then the lefties must be VERY, VERY afraid