FoxTrot Classics by Bill Amend for February 07, 2018

nothing says “I love you” like a new spatula… oh, how romantic

The kids will need that spatula to peel him off the wall!

A very old friend of mine once gave his wife a new vacuum cleaner for her birthday. It’s been over 30 years and he’s still paying for that mistake (and surprisingly, they are still married).

Well, what did he expect? Everyone knows that women REALLY want a toaster. Geez. Or a drill. A drill is good.Drilled in Flawdy

The first year my husband & I were dating, we were kind of the “it” couple where I worked. The older ladies (the “Biddy Patrol” I called them) always liked to see us together & hear about us. That Valentine’s Day I went to work with a dreamy expression on my face. The Biddies were all like, “Oh, you must have gotten something REALLY special!” “Yes,” I said, “he gave me something I’ve always wanted!” “What?” they asked. “Guess!” I said. So, they guessed: flowers, candy, various jewelry, a vacation trip, a car…I just kept shaking my head. Finally, just about to burst, they asked, “WHAT!?!” I cranked up the dreamy expression up to 10, sighed, and said, “A .22 semi-auto rifle with a nylon stock and a scope!” They pretty much left us alone after that. (BTW, no lie: I had always wanted a rifle, and he had also gotten me a cast-iron swinging target.)

Sponge Bob would love it!

Because it’s too cold for the stork to deliver babies in November?

I was thinking about this the other day. A Valentine’s Day conception means a Thanksgiving baby. So one would expect an uptick in births in November. Unless too many guys out there are like Roger.

But I thought you just flip over it.

A spatula (or a vacuum cleaner) is only half a gift. The other half is me using it every day for you, sweet-ums.

Well I guess that’s better than a new power tool…

My wife wants practical things like a table saw and stuff like that.

I gave my wife a portable toilet for horse camping one year. She loved it, her coworkers were confused.

My husband knows better. I found out last year I am more allergic to chocolates. The allergic to chocolate maybe 30-years-ago just the reaction that did not last long and then moved on me so out, So he does special gifts one I really love. Matching earrings and necklace with heart and our names. Now Hershey’s has chocolate substitute candy bar no chocolate, caramel with pretzels and nuts. So far no reaction. Roger, you lost your romantic side?

what’s not to love? the spatula = swiss army knife of the cook. flipping eggs, pancakes, bacon, cracking eggs, frying hamburger, mixing gravy, etc. I think my mom used it for everything including corporal punishment. – though come to about it, I think it was us kids that got that for her and not dad.

I prefer practical gifts.

Why has she wanted something so inexpensive for years? Is the family that broke, or can she not be bothered to shop for herself?

I wonder if he got it at Spatula City.

Friend’s wife wanted a new sidewalk, and to widen a small area of concrete. For her birthday she got a 5-day rental of a concrete mixer and 30 bags of concrete mix.

He could have at least bedazzled the spatula and call it jewelry…