Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for March 27, 2018

Transcript:

richard's poor almanac by richard thompson new harry potter book spoilt the newest book turns away from harry potter to focus on the mid-life crisis of uncle vernon. his son, dudley, has joined a sect of snake-handling scientologists, & his wife, petunia, has bought a tram-poline & is trying to forcibly rapture her-self up to heaven. feeling lost & anxious, vernon starts drinking heavily. he takes long walks, muttering to himself in the third person, trying to sort out his life. this goes on for 16 chapters. then, on page 724, he has an epiphany. for a brief moment, he glimpses the infinite joy & variety of life. but then, a random magic spell, left over from the last book, turns him into a potted aspidistra, tzzt which further alenates him from petunia & dudley. petunia: dudley, have you watered your father today? dudley: aw, i did it yestiddy, mum.