Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for December 21, 2015

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There- How's that? It needs more attention on the #3 wire! Plug it in. I did. Hey, is this cool? Lurch. Highly unstable. Requires patience, some U bolts and a lot of piano wire. Black Hole Fir. Unusually dense foliage absorbs lights, baubles, garlands, even tinsel! Cannabis Spruce. Sap is extremely mellowing on contact. May cause irresponsible behavior. That looks awful Platonic Fir. Perhaps too ideal. Renders all attempts at ornamentation superfluous. Callow Balsam. Good for homes with preschool-craft project construction paper & glitter decor. Mr. Scrubby Potty Brush. Easy installation! Child friendly! Hung on a door it doubles as a wreath!