Hello, and thank you for calling your local psyche wardl.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother’s maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y a-n-d c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you are experiencing acute symptoms of puberty, please lock yourself in your room, blast your stereo at full volume, and scream to your parents how much you hate them. A suicide-prevention volunteer will be with shortly.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.
If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down, and cry. You won’t be crazy forever.
If you are a man, press 1 then 0, and the manager will be with you immediately.
If you are a woman, press 2 then 543 while pressing 2 occasionally, and an operator will be with you as soon as you are finished pressing 543.
If you are a paraphiliac and would like to speak to one of our hot operators standing by, press 976.
If you are blonde don’t press any buttons, you’ll just mess it up.
My older sister and I sound exactly alike. When we were kids we had a fight and she hid my favorite toy. I was still mad at her when one of her boyfriends called and I answered the phone. He thought she had answered the phone so I picked a fight with him. She never figured out what happened until I confessed a couple of years ago. Hey, I was 8 and she was 15. Little sisters will get their revenge.
Boots at the Boar Premium Member over 8 years ago
Hello, and thank you for calling your local psyche wardl.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother’s maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y a-n-d c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you are experiencing acute symptoms of puberty, please lock yourself in your room, blast your stereo at full volume, and scream to your parents how much you hate them. A suicide-prevention volunteer will be with shortly.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.
If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down, and cry. You won’t be crazy forever.
If you are a man, press 1 then 0, and the manager will be with you immediately.
If you are a woman, press 2 then 543 while pressing 2 occasionally, and an operator will be with you as soon as you are finished pressing 543.
If you are a paraphiliac and would like to speak to one of our hot operators standing by, press 976.
If you are blonde don’t press any buttons, you’ll just mess it up.
Templo S.U.D. over 8 years ago
Jason must want no boy but him to pester Paige.
dulgeroff over 8 years ago
My older sister and I sound exactly alike. When we were kids we had a fight and she hid my favorite toy. I was still mad at her when one of her boyfriends called and I answered the phone. He thought she had answered the phone so I picked a fight with him. She never figured out what happened until I confessed a couple of years ago. Hey, I was 8 and she was 15. Little sisters will get their revenge.
David Rickard Premium Member over 8 years ago
“The local Psych ward”? Did Shawn and Gus start a franchise?