Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for July 28, 2015

Transcript:

alternacensus for those who find the quadrennial census unfulfilling, the census bureau has devised the following more creative forms. the novelization form writer: i've established the protagonist, person 1, as a 34-year-old unmarried black, african am. or negro female who commutes 23 minutes by subway or elevated to her job as a systems analyst, and now i'm blocking. the video form filmer: we'll do a montage of our complete plumbing facilities and lay in some bernard herrman cues on the soundtrack to heighten the tension. oop: abso-fab-u-mongous. the graphic novelization form cartoonist: i've introduced agents of the census bureau as minions of zorgon, the evil alien hive-mind from uranus. hey! in your face census bureau! the craft project form lady: i've made a family memory book with favorite photos, letters, pressed flowers, baby hair trimmings, dental records, tissue samples, gene sequences and my recipe for apricot pancakes! the poetry form poet: i celebrate myself & sing myself, i also celebrate & sing the seven other people living or staying in this house, apartment or mobile home on april 1, 2000. kid: yawp! the homage to "stomp" form wham wham smash bang bang oop: oops. please keep all interpretive dances to 38 minutes.