Cathy Classics by Cathy Guisewite for May 17, 2014

singing She gets too hungry for dinner at eight/She loves the theater, but she never comes in there late/She’d never bother with people she’d hate/That’s why the lady is a tramp!

Cathy…by the time you arrived for 8:00 pm dinner, you’d eaten enough for all of the next day too…so, move those calories to tomorrow and say to yourself, “After all, tomorrow is another day!” and enjoy yourself this evening without any food guilt! See, simple!!! ;)

My wife has been beautiful all her life. When she had the first child, she ran five miles a day. She outran me. Now over sixty, age has touched her. But I told her I loved her heart. There were other beautiful women. I fell in love with her heart.

My wife was at another part of the store. In the clearance section, there was a Sport Illustrated Calendar. Being a man, I looked at it. Men like looking at wide body, well-endowed women. When you look at women’s magazines, women are look like sticks. Somehow, women have the idea that men like skinny women. I still remember the girl from MSU. The one your ex Bob dated. We were just friends. I was in her room, just talking. She had long jet black hair. She was in her nightgown. When she brushed her hair, I just about had a heart attack over her wide body. I visited her at MSU. She had gone on a diet. She was sticks and bones. She destroyed what men dream about.Moreover, we men like to eat. We hate to eat with a woman on a diet.

It’s called self-discipline, Cathy. Look into it! eyeroll

That is awfully late to eat dinner if you had lunch at noon. Why not just make the dinner reservations for 6?

I saw on the internet a picture of you in jeans. You just started your strip. You looked about the same when you were a senior in high school. You know, if I had shown that picture in the officer’s wardroom, my buddies would have said, “What a cute girl?” Women have such a distorted view of what men think is cute.It reminded me of a couple I bumped into before we deployed to Vietnam. A Naval Aviator who towered over his tiny blonde hair wife. She reminded me of you. He would have put Tom Cruise to shame in the looks department. She was smiling and just happy to have these moments with him.I don’t know why a woman would wait and worry for months for you to return. She was going to. Maybe, Love can be so great for a woman, she would do that.When I came home, I found my wife. I was going to have that kind of love.

Men should make plans to take care of their wives in the event of their death.I have been away from war so long that I forgot you can die. I got so sick from food poisoning that I fell down and knock myself out. I got up the next morning and looked at the bathroom mirror. There was a huge black and blue bump on my eye.My wife was in Mexico. I thought nothing about it. But when I called her, she got so upset and told me to go to the doctor. They told me to go the ER.I am lucky. However, ever a government auditor can make mistakes. I had laid down plans in the event of my death in a black box. But I forgot to have a means for her to transfer the emergency funds from one bank to the checking account. I arranged to have the bills paid automatically.Well, nothing should go wrong when it happens. Ha, ha.

Mr Messy and Miss Super Neat. She avoid looking at my bedroom. She tries to teach me the correct way to draw liquid soap so it does’t make a mess. 40 years for Miss Picky and Mr. Dirt Cloud.

I have the same problem — I’m hungry at 4:00, hubby doesn’t get home until 6 or 7….I have learned to have a later lunch….doesn’t always work, but sometimes.