Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for August 18, 2001
Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling News of the Times News Levels Dangerously Low The nation's NEWS SUPPLY has dropped precipitously this summer, and is now at the lowest level recorded in the media age. Newsologist Mervin Halloway Mervin: August is always a slow news month, but this season has been just brutal! We're definitely in CRISIS MODE! News outlets, and news consumers, are panicked. Man: If this gets any worse, we'll be forced to report on "issues", like poverty, or the environment! President Bush, vacationing in Texas, has been criticized for a failure to generate news for the country he leads. Gomer: Gollly George W. Bush: Yee-hah! Attaboy, Gomer! Of course, there is an abundant supply of news overseas, particularly in the Middle East, but the U.S. is loath to increase its dependence on imported news. Some news organizations are in a better position than others. Dan Rather: We held the Chandra Levy story in RESERVE, so our news stockpile should hold out for weeks. Democrats have been quick to blame Bush. Democrat: Clinton presided over the greatest period of news expansion in history! Republicans counter that Clinton was the beneficiary of the natural ebb and flow of the news cycle. Republican: Did Clinton CREATE O.J.? Did he PRODUCE Elian? Did we DO Monica? Well...
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