Ted Rall for February 07, 2009
Man: I'm wildly popular. That's why everyone's trying to kill me! Soldier: Only one rock per ticket, people! Man: It was a wedding party! Your missile killed women and kids! Soldier: Women and kids who would have had a big carbon footprint. Afghan: Nothing but heroin in my truck. Soldier: Drive safely, sir! Soldier: Crank calls to Al Qaeda are much cheaper here in the 93 country code! Afghan: Hello? Afghan: Nothing fertilizes crops like the corpses of U.S. soldiers fattened with junk food. Osama flew the coop years ago, but there's still plenty of work to do at the crossroads between south and central Asia. We still need you to join Obama's crusade to Re-Invade Afghanistan! Choose from any or all of the following glorious tasks: protect Afghan government officials. Provide security for cultural events. Help fight overpopulation. Help the Afghans help themselves. Fight terrorists in Pakistan next door. Help farmers restore Afghan agriculture.