Ted Rall for May 23, 2002
Government terrorism warnings explained. All alerts guaranteed 82% truthful! Whenever your professional terror-detection bureaucrats become aware of a threat to your safety, we issue a warning. Dang! And I'd always wanted to see the Wendy's in Puget Sound. Odds are that the warning itself will cause the terrorists to call off their nefarious plot. Osama! The infidels are on to us... Let's hit another target. On the other hand, they may figure that we'll let our guard down because of that assumption - and attack anyway. Psych! Tom Ridge is a chump! Alternatively, they know we're aware of our tendency to second-guess our own reverse psychology - and may act accordingly. Next: how you'll know you're under attack! First you'll feel a burning sensation.