Ted Rall for May 20, 2002
Transcript:
Security guards have criminal records. Terrorists roam our streets. The government reacts after you get killed. Only you can keep yourself safe, and only one thing can guarantee your safety: The total terror-proof suit! Bomb-proof outer hull keeps you intact near suicidal jihadis! Also bite-proof! Laugh as your family tears their burning skin off but you don't because your suit is radiation-proof! Stab-proof to keep evil stabbers at bay! Can work against school shooters! We're fairly certain no warfare contaminants could wiggle through seams. Special spongy stuff lets you bounce to safety when your airplane inevitably crashes! Supplies limited.