Ted Rall for January 08, 2000
Transcript:
Jesus Christ! Son of God endorses candidate. After months of being courted by candidates for president, Jesus of Nazareth narrows down his choices for a holy endorsement. I'm sorry, Mr. Buchanan. My dad has let you off the hook for bigotry because of penance, but the holy spirit is pissed off about your stance on free trade. None of the rejections are easy, but some are easier than others. For it would be easier for a rhino to pass through a revolving door than for a man married to tipper gore to enter the kingdom of heaven. @*@#! GOP God! The son of our no.1 monotheistic deity relies on his friends and colleagues to make the final cut. I already deal with George W. That was 18 years ago! The moron stays. At last! Our Christian theocracy* awaits Jesus' pick! Who do you think Jesus will endorse? God hates slackers. I thought we had separation of church and state. How about those knicks? "Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, etc. not included." Of course, even divine intervention can't cure apathy. Aren't you gonna vote?! No point. My dad's got it all wired.