Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for July 28, 2023
Transcript:
what's new at the zoo? great ape career center. we train our primates in a variety of skills, increasing their options should their habitat vanish. woodworking, welding garment sewing, etc. our chips are now typing 120 words a minute! we've gone 18 minutes without an accident keep up the good work! springer monkeys. the most embar-rassing monkey alive! lust, treachery, jealousy, incest, feces-throwing & tacky make-overs! come watch the fur fly! man: eeyick baby snallygaster. step right into the apocryphal mammal house & cast your eyes on "peaches." the 2-week-old fire-spitting, poison-tailed half-eagle part-lizard & one quarter irritable dachshund! no flash photos or direct eye contact, please. peaches: brup. assimilating bears. they'll try to fit in anywhere! please be sure to ount your party as your exit the zoo. i pandas and check out the poetic mole rats rat 1: pandas are cloying, tedious and blah, two-tone fuzzy cuddle cures for in-som-ni-a. rat 2: pandas are boring, all they ever do is couple unsuccessfully and digest their bamboo. rat 3: pandas are tiresome, and they're not real bears, they're practically marsupials, if anybody cares.
The mole rats are clearly bitter and jealous that they’re not loved like the pandas are.
Assimilating bears help the Darwin’s Law population down to manageable numbers….