Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for September 22, 2021
the language of valentines i think you're ducky! cute little card "i love you. let's elope at recess." scented bath salts "i love you. but you have smell issues." expensive perfume "the scented bath salts are not working." a single perfect rose "i love you anal retentively." a single perfect chocolate "i love you, but i got hungry." lacy underthings "i'm thinking of tyra banks-no! you! i'm thinking of you." huggywuv beargram and jellybeans "my ardor for you dwarfs that of romeo for juliet-o! fain would i linger in thy sweet arms but alas! for i've eaten all the jellybeans, too."