Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for September 19, 2020
Transcript:
richard's poor almanac - by richard thompson spring weeding guide weed 1: earthworms are all gay - pass it on. weed 2: i've just downloaded some new photos of dirt! weed 3: ann coulter is a goddess. blogwort - uncontrolable creeper that rapidly spreads rumors, trivia & pinheaded opinions. dweeb: my girlfriend is so dumb she thinks "einstein" is one glass of beer! hey, is this on? mikeweed - attracts a variety of common pests, including really crummy stand-up comedians. man: where's the sale? inflatoguy stalk - attracts shoppers expecting car or furniture showrooms. bloatspurge (obesia) - it just makes your whole yard look fat. bride: hey! quit it! this is by vera wang! squirt weeds b gone ivory organza - sorry! wrong guide! weeding, not wedding! still, if your yard's infested with noxious bridesmaids dress you may want to spray.
Stands there.
Stands there.
Stands there.
Stands there.
And then the Guy in the checkered shirt, shorts, and billed cap squirts the bride?! Disinvite him from the wedding! He’s doing Satan’s work!