Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for February 13, 2014
the language of valentines i think you're ducky! cute little card "i love you. let's elope at recess." scented bath salts "i love you. but you have smell issues." expensive perfume "the scented bath salts are not working." a single perfect rose "i love you anal reten-tively." a single perfect chocolate "i love you, but i got hungry." lacy under-things "i'm thinking of tyra banks-no! you! i;m thinking of you." huggywuv beargram & jellybeans "my ardor for you dwarfs that of romeo for juliet-o! fain would i linger in thy sweet arms but alas! for i've eaten all the jellybeans. too."