Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for January 01, 2012
"Elly Elephant was sick of Henry Hippo. So she sat in her kitchen and tried to envision her dream man. 'I will take this empty basket and put in one avocado for each trait I want in a man.' So she put in one avocado for sensitivity, and one for handsome, and one for adventurous. 'And I want him to be dependable,' she said, putting in another avocado. But when she did, out fell adventurous. 'Well, he at least needs to be non-superficial,' she said, adding another avocado. But out dropped handsome. 'Okay, he can't be needy,' she said, squeezing in another. But out fell sensitive. 'The basket can't hold all the avocados,' Elly cried in despair. 'I'll simply have to learn to be happy with the few avocados I have.' Which was none because Henry Hippo turned them into guacamole." Goat: Oh, this is an uplifting tale. Rat: "So remember, people. Be happy with the crappy partner you have." Pig: I will strive to be alone forever!
‘Avocado’ comes from the Nahuatl word ‘ahuakatl’, which means ‘testicle’. ahem