Matt Bors for June 06, 2008

Transcript:

Barack Obama's church said stuff that people didn't like, so he quit. Barack Obama: It was a deep DEEP personal decision. Really. I cried for hours. Can I be prez now? His wife's comments about America are bound to become a campaign issue - time to cut the dead weight. Barack Obama: It's splitsville, babe. I had no idea you hated America so much. IT'S AWESOME! Keep the house. At any moment, his kids could post an embarrassing YouTube video and end his White House bid. Barack Obama: Kids? WHAT KIDS!? Malia and Sasha were orphans who followed me around Chicago. I reject their DNA! Will he stand by his right hand's decision not to cover his heart during the National Anthem? Barack Obama: I've cut all ties with that extremist extremity... It was a personal, completely nonpolitical amputation...