Cow and Boy Classics by Mark Leiknes for September 15, 2021
"I'm going to dedicate my life to science." "I will spend my formative years studying science and ignoring my social calendar." "Not that it will be filled with. I will realize early on that the girls are more interested in the boys who play sports." "No matter, I will have science to keep me company. And all my years of studying will pay off when I am admitted into an ultra-elite college and in turn become the top scientist in my field." "My scientific accomplishments will make me happy for a while but then I'll start to feel empty inside because I'll have no one to share them with. I'll question my path in life and wonder why I spent all those years alone." "I'll overcompensate and spend my research grants developing a super-strength serum so I can impress the ladies. The serum will work, but it will also send me into a hulk-like rage and I'll completely destroy my laboratory along with my life's work." "Disgraced, I will be left with nothing. Nothing but the satisfaction that I dedicated my life to a worthy cause and if I had not completely obliterated that cause in a 'roid-induced fury, I might have actually made a difference in someone else's life." "I think I'm going to go outside and play now." "Not me, my friend, I have a date with destiny."