Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for August 09, 2009

Transcript:

Stephan says ,"What are you doing, Rat?" Rat says, "This newspaper's doing an online comics poll?I have voted 5,292 times against 'Pearls.'" Stephan says, "Arrrrgh!! It's bad enough papers do these bogus, cheatable polls! Do you have to make it worse by voting against 'Pearls'?!" Rat says, "Yes. I do not enjoy the feature." Stephan says, "Then vote once." Rat says, "But that would not reflect the depth of my hatred for your work." Stephan says, "Oh? And what's so wrong with it?!" Rat says ,"Well, listen...here's some constructive criticism..." Rat says, "You are not funny. You are not clever. You are ugly. And you smell a little bit." Rat says, "You are to comics what 'Gigli; was to film, what the 'Ford pinto' was to cars, If you were a 'Backstreet Boy', you'd be the fat one whose name I can't remember." Stephan says, "Anything else?!" Rat says, "Yes. I would like to be transferred to a sweeter, more uplifting comic. At least there, I'd have greeting card potential." Stephan says, "Oh, fine. And you think you'd fit in there?" Rat says, "Of course I'd fit in. Why wouldn't I fit in?" Ziggy says, "There's no drinking in ziggy." Rat says, "What the @#%#$^@#$, zig?" Beer