Nancy by Olivia Jaimes for October 13, 2022

“Hello..?”

“Yes, a collect call for Nancy Ritz from SpongeBob SquarePants.

Will you accept the charges from Bikini Bottom?”

[clunk! of sea shell being put down]

“Oh, She hung up! That’s your friend Nancy Ritz, right?

Is there supposed to be someone else there besides your friend there to answer?"

Nancy, two weird!

That’s a good solution for… I dunno… 2 minutes?

Who among us has not showered with a bow in our hair?

And she can hear the ocean too.

Nancy is one shell away from re-discovering Concha Consciousness.

Around 1973, there were ads in national magazines for conch shells you could wear on your ears and groove all day to the sounds of the ocean roaring, like headphones. (It was because we didn’t have better drugs then.)

Good thing your towel is wrapped TIGHT. This is still a family strip, and we don’t want a strip here. You might want to try CAREFULLY AND SLOWLY putting a Q-tip in your ear. I find it absorbs the water.

A few drops of rubbing alcohol in the ear canal (as long as you don’t have a tube or perforation in the ear drum) can help dry up the water quickly. Drop it in, wait a few seconds and then tilt your head to the affected side or lie down on that side.

My way of dealing with water in the ear canal is strenuous, lengthy, and only works some of the time, but I get a workout from it.