Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for March 11, 2000

Transcript:

Who Wants to Marry a Heterosexual? Announcer: Welcome to the game where heterosexuals can and do get married for any reason, or no reason at all! Today, a bride from the audience will be chosen by our MYSTERY GROOM! He's got a camaro, and he'll say "I love you" if he's drunk and he thinks you'll have sex with him. Who has he chosen? Mary Klinger, come on down and meet... Dirk Dample!! Mary: I'm on T.V.!! Announcer: Dirk, why did you pick Mary? Dirk: She looks okay, I guess. Bring out the ELVIS IMPERSONATOR! Elvis: I now pronounce you husband and wife! Announcer: Have fun, kids! And don't sweat it! Even an ordinary new marriage has a 43% chance of ending in divorce! So, who wants to get hitched next? Gay man: Well, we've been together for ten years, and we have a daughter... Announcer: MARRIED GAYS?! Why, that would make a MOCKERY of the institution of marriage! Coming up: "When straight celebs marry for minutes!"