Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for May 19, 2015

Transcript:

new baby paradigm found by richard thompson richard's poor almanac the american academy of pediatrics announced to-day that it has identified a new baby paradigm. "for over sixty years all babies have looked like winston churchill," said a spokes man for aap. "now it appears that all babies look like vice president dick cheney." he could not explain the sudden baby-wide shift away from the late british prime minister. "perhaps it's a sympton of these tense times." he said, "and each era picks it's own states-man for babies to look like. "or maybe it's caused by global warming, dietary changes, or a new trend in human development. churchill was more of a mr. chubbycheeks than the vice president, so maybe as a species we're moving away from the whole 'cute' thing." the spokesman declin-ed to give his name. speaking through a spokesman (a different one), vice president cheney said he was hon-ored to follow in winston churchill's footsteps and would discharge his duties with, um, honor. most parents of dick-cheney-looking babies were optimistic. "it could be far worse," said one mother while dandling her sneering infant, "i mean, what is all the babies started looking like senator ted stevens (r-alaska)?" calls to sen. stevens office for a comment were not returned.