Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for February 19, 2015

Transcript:

richard's poor almanac by richard thompson oscar predictions just before the show starts, hunky homunculus tom cruise will get hopelesesly stuck in his folding seat. he will spend the rest of the eve-ning struggling to extricate himself. chris: with a big then six ducks under gravel mango fcc ubber giant wink during his opening remarks, host chris rock will tell an es-pecially elaborate version of the "aristocrats" joke. the guy in charge of 5-second delay will bleep only the punchline. while accepting the best actress oscar, hilary swank will bite it clean in two, just to show she can. also, she'll forget to mention her husband (chad lowe) again. a small sinkhole will open onstage & swal-low the best picture presenter (roberto benigni) before he can read the winner. the audience, stun-ned & disappointed, will applaud anyway.