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1. 

   oldpine said, 7 months ago

   How can a politician have any self respect?
2. 

   win said, 7 months ago

   I’m preserving my liver.
3. 

   Alexikakos said, 7 months ago

   A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk.
   .
   When he enters his house, he doesn’t want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs.Half-way up the stairs, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his rear end.
   .
   That wouldn’t have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets and they broke.
   .
   The broken glass carved up his buttocks terribly. But,he was so drunk that he didn’t know he was hurt.
   .
   A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed blood,so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up something terrible.
   .
   Well, he repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to bed.The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom.
   .
   “Well, you really tied one on last night,” she said.“Where’d you go?”
   .
   “I worked late,” he said, “and I stopped off for a couple of beers.”
   .
   “A couple of beers? That’s a laugh,” she replied, “You got plastered last night and I know it.”
   .
   “What makes you so sure of that?”
   .

   “Well,” she replied, “my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror.”
4. 

   SUSAN NEWMAN said, 7 months ago

   I’m guessing that Belfry lost the election.
   RIP, Larry Hagman.
5. 

   IndyMan said, 7 months ago

   ‘Sorta’ sounds like the guy that walked off a pier and into a lake. Climbs out and stumbles to his cottage and climbs in bed.
   His wife objects and hears—‘You do want you want to on your side of the bed and I’ll do what I want on my side.’ He wakes up the next morning to an ‘ice cold’ glass of water being poured on his bare back!!!
6. 

   puddleglum1066 said, 7 months ago

   @Alexikakos

   What works much better in this circumstance (arriving home very very late and more than a little inebriated) is this: make a point of knocking over the garbage cans when pulling into the driveway. Fiddle with the keys, loudly, before slamming the door open and closed. Stomp up the stairs and announce at the top of your lungs, “Honey, I’m home and I’m ready for some lovin’!”

   
   I guarantee she’ll sleep right through it all…
7. 

   whmIII said, 7 months ago

   A lot of that going around this time of year…
8. 

   rickmac1937 said, 7 months ago

   that’s all of congress
9. 

   MadNews said, 7 months ago

   Now that’s funny Alexikakos!!
10. 

    Rockngolfer said, 7 months ago

    Roz, I’ll have what he had.
11. 

    whmIII said, 7 months ago

    Reminds me again of Teddy “No-Pants” Kennedy…
12. 

    Guard SGT said, 7 months ago

    I think just before this he realized that all he was running against was bills he wrote! That will be the problem for the Corrupt Party here in 2014 and 2016.
13. 

    renewed1 said, 7 months ago

    It is too bad that what would normally disqualify a job applicant in the real world just seems to be a resume enhancer for the politicians of the world. Therefore: He may be a crook, but he is my crook.
14. 

    Bobzilla said, 7 months ago

    @Alexikakos

    It was an Irishman with a pint in his hip pocket. After he fell, he felt something wet running down his leg and said “Please, God, let that be blood”!
15. 

    edinbaltimore said, 7 months ago

    Yes, Ima, and Larry Craig, and Newt Gingrich, and whoever that governor was in South Carolina who went “hiking the Appalachian trail.” I’m assuming you are referring to Chappaquidic. If you can find a copy, as it is probably long out of print, I suggest you read “The Bridge at Chappaquidic” for the real story. By the way, what kind of “Family Values” does Rush have? Three wives, no kids. I thought “marriage” was supposed to be for procreation?
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