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Richard's Poor Almanac

By Richard Thompson
4,268
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Dec 8, 2017
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toy: i'm that toy you wanted when you were six & found on ebay for a small fortune.
give him a certified check or money order for $235.oo.

neighbor: i'm the quiet guy down the street who turns out to be a serial killer!
that's so cute! give him 3 fun-size snickers! call your spouse in!

reporter: i'm a tv reporter. are you at risk of a possibly fatal build-up of volatile pumpkin fumes?
give her one stale easter peep.

tiny: i'm either very tiny or very far away!
little smartass! throw hard candy at him!

unreasoning fear: i'm the spirit of unreasoning fear! red alert! boil your water! boil your mail!
tell him you don't give candy to strangers! wait-should we boil the mail?

reasoning fear: i'm the spirit of somewhat more reasoning fear. it's ok. so far so good. no loud noises or sudden moves. heh heh.
blow out the pumpkin & close the door. maybe she'll go away.
All caught up!
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