It’s worse when someone you’ve had a crush on for 5 years gets into drugs and you can’t even recognize them as the same person after that. .A girl I loved in junior high/high school once talked of going into the mission field, was academically in the top. .And by her junior year was getting stoned and worse. .Thirteen years later, I picked up a newspaper and she’s being profiled for homelessness. Her kid was born with birth defects from the drugs. .Crushed is probably the word for what you feel.