Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for April 13, 2003

Transcript:

"You sure are quiet tonight...Is anything wrong?" "No...Nothing's wrong." "You sure?" "I said nothing's wrong." "You can tell me if there is." "Well, there isn't." "...Look familiar, guys?" "Hi, I'm Dr. Rat, world-renowned relationship counselor and author of 'Men Are From Mars, Women Are Meteors Crashing Into Mars.'" "Men, we've all faced the 'What's wrong--nothing's wrong' conundrum...The problem? The problem is you, fellas." "You have made the assumption that your wife or girlfriend continues to speak ENGLISH..." "...Oh, you poor, lost souls." "Recent studies show that the female sex intermittently crosses over to the 'Feminese' dialect, a baffling code that makes the Navajo language look like a 'Dick and Jane' primer." "What's a poor fellow to do?...Not to worry...For just $79.95, the Dr. Rat Institute will send you a series of ten audiotapes that will teach you the warning signs of a 'Feminese' crossover and decipher key phrases...Just watch..." "What's wrong, Dear?" "Nothing, Pig, nothing." "Oh, Honey, I'm so sorry that last Tuesday, I used the last paper towel without replacing the whole roll." "Ohhh, Pig...I love you so much!" "Order yours today!"