Close to Home by John McPherson for March 03, 2024

how many therapists does it take to change lanes on the freeway…trick questions, the lanes have to change themselves!

Is the 12 on the police car a reference to the TV show Adam 12?

It makes me feel like writing you a very big ticket.

It’s the judge’s feelings that will count.

I wonder what Bleep was busted for.

“Like giving you a ticket, to start with. But keep talking.”

And there you’ve got your answer.

I have never had a therapist that was any help at all.

“It makes me feel angry you #$%&^$#.

It makes the officer FEEL like throwing the book at you!

It similar to when a interviewer talks to the winner of a sport event.

The winner should come back with a unexpected comment, “Oh, I’m disappointed. I was hoping someone else would win”.

“Well sir, see that cute, cuddly-wuddly, tiny little yellow alien in my backseat?! Thats my A9 partner… if I give the right command, he’ll walk up here and rip your face off! Now, how does that make YOU feel?”

He feels like giving you a ticket

The lanes also have to want to change.

What did bleeb do to be in the police car

Charge him his consultation rate for every mile over the speed limit.

Slow.

Not exactly relevant to the comic, but a saw a bumper sticker on the back window of a Dodge Charger the other day that read “Only gay cops pull over”. I’m thinking that’s like putting a target on his back.

“Here’s your ticket. I feel like we’ve made some progress here today.”

“Can I see some Id?”

It makes me feel happy I pulled you over before you killed someone other than yourself, here’s your $500 speeding ticket, a summons to court, and another ticket for not wearing a seatbelt, and I see this is your fifth unpaid offense, please get out of the vehicle and assume the position while I call for a paddy wagon, you have the right to remain silent… How’s that make you feel?