Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for July 31, 2021

Gathan Noodpaster Was be a good pastor?

May the Lord be with you.

A pleasant good evening to all…unless you’re reading this in the morning, in which case I bid you good morn. Wife and I are back, tanned and considerably girthier, from The Caribbean. Man! Do they pile on the food. And since this was one of the first post-COVID voyages, there were actually more crew than passengers. My only recourse is aerobic typing, to which I now plunge:

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide."The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he explained, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband, that’s against the law!& I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!” The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”

So for dogs one nostril say’s I like and the other say’s no I don’t.

I heard about a pastor who had to step down when it turned out that not only was he not ordained, but he was never a member of that faith to begin with. He was an impastor.

There was a plumber in Boston whose name was Mr. Flood.

"Butt"tester? A smart-“ass” for smart phones, huh? Sounds pretty phony, butt – so what!

It looks like Nathan Goodpastor was an example of Nominative determinism. Nominative determinism is the hypothesis that people tend to gravitate towards areas of work that fit their names. The term was first used in the magazine New Scientist in 1994, after the magazine’s humorous “Feedback” column noted several studies carried out by researchers with remarkably fitting surnames. My aunt lives in the East Midlands England and their local TV station news has a weather woman called Sarah Blizzard.

Another fun fact. A dog’s nose print is as unique as a human finger print.

American butt or Korean butt?

Butt, butt I ran past ’er and she still smelled.

Take care, may Lord of The Wrongs Emperor Chancy Xenophobord be with you, and gesundheit.

Too bad Samsung didn’t test the range we bought. It had a proofing option in the oven for raising bread dough but then it took over 45 minutes to get the oven temperature up to 360° and the dough had always fallen by then. Don’t get me started on their “ice in the door” that has to be manually defrosted every month. BOO SAMSUNG!!

What happened to Nathan? Wasn’t he any good?

I’m confused. Did the Samsung butt thing pass the dog nostril’s smell test?

He left because he wasn’t a good pastor?

BTW, at first glance, I reflexively heard his name in my head as ‘goodPAYster’.

Dogs smell in stereo.

Their phones are better know as Samdung. Very apropos to have butts to test them.

So the smell must go initially to both nostrils and the dog shut down one nostril when it realizes it likes or dislikes the smell. When the dog is young, do the nostrils argue over which gets the good smells, and which gets stuck sniffing unpleasant smells? This seems unfair to one nostril.

So that’s who keeps spam-calling me…

When I was a kid, I noticed that I usually had one nostril opened and one closed. When both were open at the same time, it was during a transition period in which the close one was opening, and the open one was starting to close. That’s actually normal.

But (no pun intended) if Samsung used a Korean facsimile derrière instead of an American version, the data is misleading and the phone isn’t strong enough!

Call it a robutt.

Just for laughs Samsung has all the tested phones set to Apples information number.

Brilliant idea for butt testing. I know of a person who cracked the screen by having their phone in back pocket and sitting on a hard surface. Just another reason for me to like Samsung phones.

The Philippines? Isn’t that where they once had a Cardinal Sin?

If the butt test produces a crack, it might be a selfie.

Did Samsung’s butt dummy, ever “butt dial” a phone number?

Does it make Butt Calls?

I’ve done more damage to my phones by sitting with the phone still in my back pocket, rather than actually sitting on the phone itself.

Do they butt dial?

My nephew ran over his cell phone with a backhoe. He said it still worked, but it had lost all his contacts. That’s pretty impressive. Unfortunately, I don’t know what brand it was.

put the phone in the butt pocket