Off the Mark by Mark Parisi for July 31, 2015

All of them catched thanks to a blue stool pigeon in messages limited to 140 characters

Opened this end.

There is faux bacon available

How about meeting in the middle and having a real burger with bacon, lettuce and tomato? Mmmmmmm.

The caption should have been, “Ruined BLT by adding veggie burger.”

Of the four the yoga pants is the most offensive.

I have a serial offender in my house.

Bacon is the only way to get the veggie burger down!It’s really hard to find towels as big as beach towels for home use.

Arrest me! Many a time I’ve used a beach towel in the bathroom at my mom’s house b/c the towels she keeps in the bathrooms are so tiny!

I’ve done all those things but the yoga pants. I think not wearing yoga pants should excuse me from the other stuff out of gratitude.

Guilty of the last one.

Beach Towels or Bathroom Towels… aren’t they the same thing?

Squeezed the toothpaste from the middle first.

….CHANGED LANES OR TURNED WITHOUT USING TURN SIGNAL. You can see that one really p***es me off.

I think the mice were afraid that Donald Trump wouldn’t name the new calf until the next blue moon. They were sure the new chicken would run away after 10 o’clock.

It was on the 3rd Tuesday of every month that the people of the small village feared the ogre would come & ravage the women in their huts. But, little did they know that his interests lie in only the huts painted florescent green with red stripes.The villagers were acutely aware that the ogre’s footprints smelled like sweet strawberries with garlic sauce. It was their only advantage.

#3: Didn’t even get the chance to dry off before they booked him!