Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for July 25, 2014

Transcript:

super-fun-pak comix vampire hunter, zombie slayer origin: how vampire hunter became a zombie slayer damsel: vampire hunter! zombies are attacking! vamp: this is not what i ordinarily do, but... now i'm a zombie slayer! schrodinger's cat cat: well, back to work. i hate mondays. and i don't. phil collins & the ghost of james caan caan: chief, you can't take us off the case! phil: we're about to crack it! chief: you're off it! i was crazy to think an 80s rock star and the ghost of a living actor could be police detectives! i'm replacing you with steve winwood and the ghost of gene hackman! steve: yes! brain in a beaker man: want to hear a freaky, horrible thought? what if i'm a brain in a beaker... ...and it's stimulated by a computer to think i'm a real person in a bar... woman: um... man: what? oh my god, i am so sorry! no offense intended! percival dunwoody, idiot time traveler from 1909 percival: good lord, i've prevented you two from falling in love! i've got to correct that, or i'll keep disappearing from this photo! lady: that's a 1973 willie stargell baseball card! dude: and we can't be your parents! we are from your future! percival: start copulating! derek the american version derek: i love to hit baseballs! it's brilliant, innit? reporter: you know, derek, your defensive metrics show you've been a subpar fielder for years. derek: can i have a crisp? manager: great news, derek! we're going to have a yearlong farewell tour for your last year playing! derek: right, then. player: derek's a saint. it's nice he's finally getting some recognition and reward for the thankless job of being a major league baseball player... "...well, except for the hundreds of millions of dollars." derek: and i loves pop starlets. they're my favoritest.