Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for May 12, 2007
uncle ben's rice has had great success transforming its antiquated, vaguely subservient "uncle ben" character into a powerful, world-traveling board chairman. now other marketing icons are being revised, and even revived, for a more racially sensitive era. corporate character updates chiew wahoo this mascot of the cleveland indians baseball team sported a savage, maniacal grin. scalp 'em, indians! now mr. wahoo is a succesful casino entrepreneur who cheers his team on in a properly regulated game of skill and chance. beat the point spread, indians! the frito bandito this mexican spokesman for fritos corn chips would steal the delicious snacks at gunpoint. bandito: ayiyiyi i am the frito bandito nor sr. frito del bandito is a movie director whose love for fritos is portayed in his films of magical realism. bandito: si, now the corn chips dance around the corpse. lucky the leprechaun this magical irish sprite was stingy in his stubborn refusal to share his tasty cereal with children. they're always after me lucky charms. now lucky is a successful banker who finances the production of the marshmallow and oat treats, to the benefit of all children. ye need to use derivative transactions. mrs. butterworth this offensive stereotype of the wasp matron was distant and formal as she spoke to children about syrup. no changes are necessary, since wasps have no advocacy groups. in fact, mrs. butterworth now often has vodka on her breath. mrs. butterworth: yes, it's seven o'clock in the morning. what's your point?
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